So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
