wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
