i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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