Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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