i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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