When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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