sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
