Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
