Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
