I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
