i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
