That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
