I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I want a musical about memes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
