i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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