Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
