Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
