I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
