Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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