Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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