I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize