Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
