I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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