Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
