He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
