I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
