he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
