Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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