I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize