Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
