Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
