dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
