What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
