Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
