If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
