What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
