we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
