apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
