I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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