I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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