Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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