Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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