Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
