We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He felt like a one man threesome
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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