I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
