Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Houston, we have a blender
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
