im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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