Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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