If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
