i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
