So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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