just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
