ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
