Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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