i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize