They should really pass out barf bags in church
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
