cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
