Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize