I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize