Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
