her vagine was all disorganized.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
