I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
