Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
