in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
