While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
