Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You are a genius and a whore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
