I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
