His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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