youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
