as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
