It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
